Larry King book collects celebrities' self-composed epitaphs, obits

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By Korky Vann

The Hartford Courant

   Call it the ultimate in underground humor. For a book published earlier this year, television personality Larry King posed an unusual question to well-known public figures and celebrities: "How would you like to be remembered after your death?"

   More than 300 people responded to his query, providing King with the material for "Remember Me When I'm Gone: the Rich and Famous Write Their Own Epitaphs and Obitu-aries."

     Last words range from actor Stacy Keach's light-hearted verse, "Here lies Stacy Keach / A Georgia peach / Lived at the beach / Now out of reach," and comedian Howie Mandell's last laugh, "Is It Me or Is it Dark In Here?," to former Secretary of State Alex-ander Haig Jr.'s parting shot, "He Really Was in Charge."  The book encouraged well-known figures in the arts, politics and entertainment to reflect on their lives and

leave closing thought for posterity.

   But without a call from Larry King, most of the rest of us aren't writing our postscripts.  Of the more than 2 million people who die each year in the United States, three-quarters are buried; most with monu-ments inscribed with simply a name an date to mark the final resting place.  Paul DiMatteo, vice president of Monument Builders of North America, a Chicago-based trade organization, says the oversight is a grave mistake.

   "People should take the time to do some thinking about how they'd like to be remembered," Dimatteo says.  "This monument is there forever.  It's the last permanent thing you can ever create.  It's an oppor-tunity to share your life and the things most important to you with future generations."

   In the past, DiMatteo says, stones were hand-chiseled, a labor-intensive process that limited options to simple shapes  and brief sentiments.  Modern tech-nology now allows monu-ments to be cut into a variety of forms - and tech-niques such as sandblasting

and laser etching allow scenes and portraits to be placed onto the stone.  New products, including vases, lighting and photographs, also can be added to per-sonalized monuments.

   "The choices are endless," DiMatteo says.  "Pictures of their homes, their families, their pets, even their cars.  Scriptures and verses.  If people have an idea of what they want, we can usually do it."  

    As gravestone technology has evolved, so have con-sumer attitudes toward what could be called "Final Sale."  According to the National Funeral Directors Association, more and more people are planning their funerals to relieve families from the responsibility of making difficult decisions and to ensure that every-thing from the service to the monument reflects their be-liefs and wishes.

   DiMatteo, who owns a monument business in South Portland, Maine, has done gravestones with portraits of NASCAR cars and drivers, including Dale Earnhardt, and memorials in a range of shapes, such as a large baseball glove supported by two crossed bats for an avid

baseball fan.  Inscriptions have ranged from favorite quotations and poems to song lyrics.

   People opting for cre-mation also are seeking unique memorials such as park sculptures or granite benches - and making ar-rangements for them to be placed by a favorite river, lake or golf course.

     Dimatteo has given much thought to his own grave decor.  He's like a mauso-leum with bronze doors, a stained-glass window, an etching of his wedding photo and an epitaph that includes an autobiography.

   I'm trying to get things arranged ahead of time to be sure my wife doesn't choose a stone on her grave that reads, I'm with stupid,' and an arrow pointing to where I'm buried." Di-Matteo says.  "Seriously, if you plan ahead, you avoid hurried decisions that may not ultimately be what you or your family wants.  You can consider options with a clear mind and create a resting place that provides comfort and peace to your loved ones."